July 28, 2006
Dreck, the Captain, was almost named Herman
by his mother Ralph.
Th Flakester Carries On
Date: Thursday, July 27, 2006 4:46 PM
So, I understand professional Protester, Cindy Sheehan
has bought a 5-acre lot down in Crawford, Texas, near Bush's ranch.
She sez she was able to purchase this plot using insurance money from
her son's death. I personally would bet there's more to that than
meets th eye, but, thas jus my opinion, cuz when her handlers pull
th strings, she bounces around like th puppet she is. If they told
her to bark like a dog, she'd be runnin around goin, "ARF! ARF!
ARF!" all day long.
Another good Herman
Date: Thursday, July 27, 2006 3:51 PM
This from my friend Tommy D. outta Houston, Texas.
See, and you thought all Texans were a bunch of Yahoos! Well, truth
be known, most of em are, but there are exceptions, obviously.
Lost Hermans of the World
Date: Thursday, July 27, 2006 2:51 PM
OK, OK, according to th input I've received, it seems
that there are more Hermans than th ones I mentioned.
Herman Edwards, Coach
Date: Thursday, July 27, 2006 1:35 AM
"Herman", thas a kinda unusual name, isn't
it? Not many guyz around named Herman. Like, have ya ever known any
one named Herman, from Vermont? Prolly not, huh! See whut I mean.
There's not a lotta dudes around by that name.
Ah well, fuck th nit-pickin; et's jus go ahead and count him too.
Now this Hermann wasn't such a good fellow tho. Nah, ya wouldn't have
wanted him over fer yer dinner guest. Terrible table manners. A real
Bands From The Past Whose Music Characterised Their Times.
Date: Thursday, July 27, 2006 12:30 AM
Calvin & the Kool-aids
Say it ain't so, Joe
Date: Tuesday, July 25, 2006 4:44 PM
Ya ever watch a baseball game and observe one of
those conferences on th mound? Y'know, th pitcher and catcher get
together ta discuss strategy. And they hold their gloves over their
Mars Ape Colony Update
Date: Monday, July 24, 2006 12:28 AM
I jus want to allay any apprehensions I may have
caused about my story bout Inteeligent Apes on Mars. As some one informed
me that they didn't believe that th Apes had managed to go to th Moon,
cuz as they pointed out, it is many hundreds of million miles from
Mars to th Moon and if they had managed that, then to get to Earth
would be a very simple matter, since it's only 265,000 miles further.
Like, if ya were walkin from New York, and LA bein th Moon, Earth
would only be another half block. And since there have been no Simian
landings here, we can assume that they've never been to th Moon either.
I thank that person for that.
Date: Sunday, July 23, 2006 10:26 PM
Yeah, right!! OK, OK, stop yer snickerin and snortin. It rilly does. Well, sorta anyway. Like, today, fr'instance, I read in th paper where a homeless dude was rummaging thru some trash and he found 21,000 dollars in savings bonds. He turned them in to th shelter he was stayin at and they tracked down th owners.
Th owners gave him a 100 dollar reward. A Hundred Bucks!! Whoopie,
Date: Friday, July 21, 2006 3:36 AM
This is absolutely true! I have a good personal friend
of mine who works at the Lawrence Livermore Lab in California where
they control the Mars wheeled robot called, "Rover", which
has been exploring the planet for several months now, and he called
me long distance just a few minutes ago, and he was so excited and
agitated he could hardly talk.
Fwd: Th capt's got a beef
Date: Thursday, July 20, 2006 5:55 PM
Well, this is th post i sent to jen chen who writes
th Night Ranger piece for th pitch and who called me to ask if they
could run my blather in th "letters page".
Vindication (well, a little bit anyway
Date: Thursday, July 20, 2006 4:21 PM
Below is a letter I got today from C.J. Janovy, editor
of th Pitch.
A Martyr Grieves
Date: Wednesday, July 19, 2006 4:17 PM
Boy I am soo mad I could jus cuss. To heck with good
manners, I will anyway. DANG IT!!
Further "slamming" the French
Date: Tuesday, July 18, 2006 2:37 PM
Hey ya'll, my buddy, Mike th G. sent this to me.
You prolly remember many of these from a few years ago. At that time
every one was hoppin on th Bash-th-Froggie-Band-Wagon. But for some
reason we don't hear these any more. Hmmm, I wonder why? My reply
follows at th bottom.
RE: My Rambling Rant About Bruce Springsteen's Kid
Date: Saturday, July 15, 2006 3:50 PM
My good friend Ernie wrote me,
News In The Third Millennium
Date: Friday, July 14, 2006 11:07 PM
Star's Teen Son Saved. In th paper th headline was
"Teen Springsteen Saved!". Obviously a much catchier title
than my mundane offering. Oh well, thas why they're th pros and we're
all jus chaff in th wind I spose, eh?
But anyway, I thought it was so cool to be able to read about that.
(at first anyways) I'm prolly wastin your time cus you've most likely
heard this before, but Evan Springsteen, th 15 y/o Son of th Bruce,
fell into Lake Placid, outta his kayak and rangers had to pick him
up. Yep, they had a special-ops team come in from Ft. Campbell, Ky.
and made th “snatch.” No, no, no, Ha ha, I'm jus jivin
ya bout that part. They were jus some regular lake rangers. I was
jus embellishin a bit.
So at first I thought where else but in Amerika, ya'know? I mean, here we are with our Free Press, and we know when a rock star's kid falls in th water. We know what famous people's pets favorite foods are. Sheeit, we know everything because of our Freedom of th Press. D'ya think peoples in N. Korea know when one of their rock star's kids fall in th lake? Not a fookin chance amigo!
D'ya think Albanians would be privy to this kind of news about one
of their rock stars? Nah, I don't think so!!
But after I got to thinkin bout it, I started to wonder; why this
was just a small article tucked away in th paper? After all, a rock
star's son had fallen in a lake, fr'chrissake! OMIGOD! OMIGOD! And
then I read this,
"it happened earlier this month."
"It happened EARLIER THIS MONTH?"
"EARLIER THIS MONTH?"
And th alarms and whistles started goin off. I heard a loud klaxon
goin OOOOGA OOOOOGA and a booming voice sayin "This is th captain
speaking. DIVE! DIVE! DIVE!"
and so I started spinning this huge wheel around and around watchin
th dials in front of me as they counted off th depth. We tilted sharply
downwards at an extreme angle and th Captain (not me you see, but
a different Cap't) was screaming, "What th hell did you do? We're
headed straight fer th bottom. FER TH LUV OF GAWD, MAN...PULL US OUT!"
and th sonar man was counting off the feet between us and th ocean
floor And he was down to 600 feet and I was furiously spinnin th wheel
in th other direction now. Down to 300 now. No change in our altitude.
200 feet! I could feel my deodorant starting to fail and as I looked
at my mates a lotta em were perspirin heavily too. Now, I'm not a
nit-pickin kinda guy but, I'm tellin ya, some of my mates have some
rilly bad BO. We looked like a scene outta a submarine movie or somthin.
haha I chuckled and told th guyz that, but they jus yelled at me to
And so at a 150 feet our attitude (th angle of th boat) was changing
and th bow was starting to come up. Guyz were slappin each other on
th back and stuff and punchin each other in th shoulder and a loud
spontaneous cheer went up and some one yelled out.
"Three cheers fer th Captain'....HIP HIP HOORAY! HIP HIP....."
and I thought they were talkin bout me, y'know, cuz, like, I'm a
cap't too and so I stood up ta acknowledge my comrades accolades and
let go of th wheel fer jus a sec ta raise my hands in triumph and
a second later we smashed into th ocean floor at 60 knots an hour
and every body aboard was killed instantly!
Scuse me, I was drifting a bit there. Where was I? OK! OK! Rock star.
Kid. Lake. Earlier this month
When I saw that vague time listed there as "earlier this month"
it got me to thinkin. Hmmmm. So th question arises;
How long have they been sittin on this story?
Why are we jus now hearin about it?
Has there been some kind of attempted cover up?
What did th Boss know? And when did he first know it?
Are there National Security Issues here?
Has some terrorist group taken credit fer this cowardly act?
Was Dick Cheney seen snorkelling in th area?
What is Karl Rove's role here?
What kind of instructions did Dick Nixon leave in his Will?
Why does th President hate th Bruce? And is that a factor here?
And one question led to another, as you can see, and so on, til there were
questions all over th place. All of em lying there; scattered willy-nilly
about, stacked up in th corners like un-answered snow drifts!
So, my first impression, as I said, was one of Chest Swelling Pride at our
Freedoms. But now, I dunno. I'm wonderin if this Press I've been touting is not part of th cover up? Obviously there is a conspiracy here. How far does it go?
Who else has been targeted.
Now I'm wondering; if I might be next? I'm sure one of their minions
has hipped em to th fact that I can't swim. Jus to be on th safe side,
I'm gonna switch my cleaning operations from th bathtub to th shower
mode, and I'm gonna avoid lakes and water kinda places.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus new sit-com
Date: Monday, July 10, 2006 1:04 AM
I am still in Shock and Denial over her nomination
fer an Emmy in this piece of dreck! Th question keeps runnin thru
Prescient Observation From th 30's
Date: Monday, July 10, 2006 12:41 AM
My friend Ms Dorothy sent this to me.
Date: Saturday, July 8, 2006 9:30 PM
Thas what I said when I came home early this morning
and saw on some show where Julia Louis-Dreyfus has been nominated
for a Grammy (is it a Grammy or an Emmy?) for her role in her sit-com
called, The Adventures of New/Old Christine, a title which
is not one tiny bit less stupid than th show itself I might add.
Those Pesky N. Koreans!
Date: Wednesday, July 5, 2006 5:32 PM
Just who do they think they are, testing missiles?
Do they think they're some kind of sovereign nation and can do whatever
they want, or somthin? They went ahead and did this "provocative"
act, in spite of Th Great White Father in Washington explicitly forbidding
them to do so! He plainly told em, in perfectly understandable Engles,
that it would displease him greatly! And yet, rebellious rogues they
are, they went and did it anyway. Jus outta spite I spose.
So, how should we react? What should th Great White Father do now? Mebbe send em some small pox infested blankys? Ah no, we already did that with those 'redskins'. And I don't mean th football team, god forbid. I mean those other guys, y'know th ones; always runnin around in circles, whoopin and hollerin and carryin on like a bunch of wild savages. Ya remember? Th Rubes who used to live here first. Th one's who didn't know shit bout real estate, titles, torts or contracts? Th ones we traded beads and bells and whistles and mirrors and brightly colored swatches of cloth to, fer Prime property.
I know, I know, in a capitalist, free market, democratic system such
as ours, these kinda tactics are, not only perfectly acceptable, but
in fact laudable, cuz it's all fair and game, but still ya can't help
but feel jus a bit sleazy bout it, huh? I mean, c'mon! Well, mebbe
they learned their lesson. Mebbe th next time th Great White Father
offers em a deal, they can hire a consultant, like, mebbe a Jack Abramoff,
fr'instance, to help em get a fair shake.
Aw'right, scuuse me, I got off on a tangent there. We're still talking
bout punishin th N. Koreans here. I think mebbe th solution here is
not all that complicated boyz and gurlz; all we need to do is; simply
wash their mouths out with soap! And send em to bed without any supper!
(and sendin em to bed with no supper should be pretty danged easy
since they don't have anything ta eat any way!
I dunno, mebbe thas too simplistic. Rather than sendin em ta bed
with nothin ta eat, perhaps instead, we oughta give em a nice bowl
of some Hiroshima Stew followed by some Nagasaki cookies fer dessert?
Nah, nah, thas right, I forgot; we already done that too didn't we;
to those other slanty-eyed dudes who make all our cars and TVs now.
That didn't work out so hot in th long run, did it?
But still, th nerve of these N. Korean dudes! Jus because we've been
testing missiles for th past 50 years, that doesn't mean they can
now do so too. Gosh. what is wrong with them? What are they thinking?
Looky here, we already got our Nuclear Club, and th books are closed,
OK? We don't want any more guys in th Club. We already got, like,
th King's o' th World, (that be us) th Limey's, th Frogs, th Russkies,
th Chinks, th Paki's, th Ghandi-Freaks and th Kikes. Thas plenty enuff.
And all our current members are all responsible types too. None of
our guys go around bullying other guys jus cuz we can.
Oh sure, sometimes we squabble a bit and sometimes, some of us feel
it's necessary to invade other countries and stuff like that, but
still, we do it only fer th purest of reasons, cuz it's fer their
own Fucking Good! And if they're too fuckin ignernt to know that Democracy
is what they need, then we'll jus Stay th Course as th Leader sez!
We'll stay th course and stay there til th fuckin cows come home,
or mebbe til Allah tells em that Democracy and th Free Market System
is what they've been seeking all their lives. In either case, it's
gonna be a long time.
OK, OK, I don't really know th answer. I guess I'm jus gonna havta
leave it up ta th Wisdom of th Great White Father who, in his Infinite
Wisdom will surely find a Just and Honorable Solution. Don'cha think?
Mebbe he could get his buddy, Dick Cheney ta put in a good word at
Haliburton, and they could jus buy th fuckin country.
P.S. No, seriously folks, I can never quite escape th hypocrisy of
th United States getting all upset and taking th High Moral Ground
and ringin th Bell of Indignation and Outrage about some other country
tryin to obtain nuclear weapons, when we ourselves have some ten thousand
It's kinda like, if Bill Gates were to get all uppity and indignant and castigate th CEO of another company accusing him of trying to get rich! Ha ha Know whut I mean! Nah, it rings pretty hollow ta me!
Date: Tuesday, July 4, 2006 9:33 PM
Oh by th way, ya know that asteroid I tole ya about
a few weeks ago that was gonna collide with th earth and destroy Civilization
as we know it....well um.....evidently it missed! Ooops. Um.... yeah.
I kinda dropped th ball on that one, eh. He he.
So ya can come on out of yer shelters and go on ahead with yer July
4th plans. But, ya know, hey, it was still a close call. It flew by
a little over one LU away. (Lunar Unit) See in terms of th Universe,
270,000 miles is a puny, puny distance. So, altho, technically speaking,
I was in error, not by very much actually, cuz Universally, it was
Armageddons and Apocalypses and End of th World Scenarios can be
tricky ta predict sometimes. I'm a bit concerned tho that I may have
lost some Credibility, and as result of that loss, th next time I
got an inside track on th End of th World, some peoples won't take
me seriously. sigh It's not exactly easy bein a Visionary, ya know!
P.S. But looky here, here's th bright side. Now ya can go ahead and enjoy that can of tuna and that box of crackers ya stashed away. And they'll all be a lot tastier now that there's gonna be a Tomorrow. And another one after that, and...
Where were you at 5:58 PM today?
Date: Tuesday, July 4, 2006 8:38 PM
It's a good thing you weren't driving east or west
on 51st across Wornall. Oh boy, you'd be a mess right about now. I
was sittin at that intersection in th left lane, headin North on Wornall
towards th Plaza, waitin fer th light ta change. I glanced in my mirror
and noticed a big grey SUV comin pretty fast in th right lane. I was
wonderin when he was gonna slow down and stop. Fooled me, cuz he didn't
even slow down!. He blew by me on th right doin 45-50. Right thru
th red light! Oh, did I mention?....th dumb fuck was rappin on his
phone, of course. Had you been driving east on 51st after a nice holiday
picnic at Loose Park with th wife and kids ya'll would be all scattered
about and DEAD right now!
This stupid fucking Idiot went thru that red light doin 50 mph and
may not even know that he did it, evidently so engrossed in his all
important conversation was he. Thas th thing bout drivers on their
cell phones; every last one of em will tell ya they're very careful
when they're drivin. Yeah, they say that cuz, so oblivious are they,
that they aren't even aware of th shit they're causin.
I immediately flashed on that fucking idiot I wrote that letter ta
th editor about last week. It's a shame he wasn't crossin at that
intersection at that moment cuz we could have eliminated two fuckin
Idiots from th Gene Pool and th World would be a safer place today
with both of em gone! (hmmm somthin bout that last line sounds familiar)
I have written bout this intersection before. I don't know why it
is, but north/south drivers, and particularly drivers in SUVs, run
that light there all th time. I'm tellin ya, if yer ever there goin
east or west, when th light changes, look both ways very carefully,
make sure that SUV coming in yer direction actually comes to a stop
before you venture across.
Whut in th hell happens ta peoples minds when ya put em in an SUV
and give em a cell phone?
P.S. Below is whut I wrote about that intersection 2 1/2 years ago. Nothin has changed,
Date: Sun, Nov 16, 2003, 12:15pm
Sometimes peoples come up to me and say, "Yo cap't, where's a good place to die?"
I always recommend 51st and Wornall. It's a very simple process really; all you have to do is sit at the intersection going either east or west, doesn't matter which. OK...so here's what you do; look straight ahead, don't look to the right or to the left, only look directly at the stoplight....when the light turns green...accelerate straight ahead thru the intersection.... cuz, what the hell, you got a green light.........right!
However, at this particular intersection, chances are about 50/50
that some north or south bound asshole loon will T-bone yer ass doing
about 60, thus causing you die right there.
For some inexplicable reason, peoples who travel Wornall along this
strip, when the light changes yellow, even though they're in the middle
of the block...they speed up....of course there's no way they can
make it, so when the light does turn red, they're still 3-4 car lengths
away......now, they really tromp it, to ensure they're doing at least
60 as they blow thru the intersection.
I like to mess with assholes such as this. I some times sit there
at the light, with my left foot on the brake, my right hand on the
horn, and watch one of these jerks getting ready to blast thru and
I spring forward, hitting the horn and the brake almost simultaneously,
so that I hardly move at all; it's just a momentary lurch, but the
illusion is that I'm pulling into the intersection.
What fun to see the wide-eyed horror in their eyes as they think
they're about to have a really serious collision, as a result of their
recklessly running a red light at 50-60 mph. My goal is that that
Panic they experience momentarily, might make them think twice the
next time they try to beat a light in such a foolhardy and dangerous
manner, especially those who are talking on their cell phones at the
What do You do, boyz and gurls to foster safe driving in your community?
P.S. Another good way to show peoples such as this how annoying their behavior can be is to follow them and throw beer bottles thru their windows, while carefully outlining your position, so to speak. Sometimes this can be counter productive though, because in their haste to get away from you, they will prolly be running thru many a red light more.
Your Government Cares!!
Date: Saturday, July 1, 2006 6:45 PM
I read an interesting stat in today's paper which
I think indicates pretty clearly jus how much our govt representatives
Back in 1997 Congress raised th minimum wage to a whopping $5.15
cents an hour. If ya put yer computer in th computer mode, you'll
discover this comes to a staggering $10,712 bucks a year. It's still
$5.15 cents an hour nine years later, and in case ya haven't noticed,
prices have gone up in th past nine years!
However, these same Congress/peoples during this same nine years
voted themselves THIRTY-ONE THOUSAND AND SEVEN HUNDRED DOlLARS IN
RAISES!! But they still haven't raised th minimum wage one thin dime.
Nada!! I mean, think of that. Jus th RAISES ALONE they gave themselves,
are almost four times what th entire minimum wage is fer a year! And
look here, in spite of th pressure put on them, have held steadfast
and refused to raise it one iota. That takes Courage doesn't it? Or,
on th other hand; it's FUCKIN OUTRAGEOUS!! Which is how I see it.
And these are th jobs th illegal immigrants are "stealing"
from regular Amerikan folks?! C'mon. pleeeze!! Hey, I worked minimum
wage jobs fer a good part of my life, and in case ya've never done
that and didn't know it, I'm tellin ya; it's not exactly th Life of
Riley!! Ya live in roach and rat infested fallin down places, often
times with no utilities in th winter, tryin ta stay warm wearin every
piece of clothing ya can get on, under six blanket, and if yer lucky
enuff ta come by a 150 bucks, ya drive a worn out, rusted, broken
down, 35-year-old Pinto that runs on th treads and won't start when
th temp drops below thirty! Oh yeah, rilly, it's a blast! But sheeit,
I always took great comfort knowin that my Rep in Washington wasn't
goin without! snicker! snort!
I'm not jivin ya, it makes me sick! I always reach fer th vomit bag every time I hear one of those sleeze-balls justifying their latest ten thousand dollar raise by sayin that it's necessary to pay that kinda money, in order to attract th caliber of people like we have in Congress. Oh brothuh, give me a break!
Whutta crocka CACA! Ali Baba never ran across a Den of Thieves th
likes of these.
Bring back th Guillotine!!
Date: Saturday, July 1, 2006 4:25 AM
I'm all fer this idea. Yeah, thas right, th guillotine!
Now I'm not talkin bout fer nostalgia's sake. I know, some peoples
might think thas kinda barbaric, but I'm not talkin bout th Big G
fer your ordinary serial killer, or run-of-th-mill brutal rapist,
or mad dog terrorist.
No, I think it should be reserved for an "elite" brand
of Criminal. One's whose special brand of mayhem merits such. I'm
talkin bout th mutherfucker CEO's of th Oil Companies! A special brand
of criminal who deserve a "special" treatment. After servin
em all a nice crude oil and tomato sandwich fer their last repast,
and after th KA-CHUNK, their heads could be collected and impaled
on pikes and mounted in front of th Company Headquarters. When we
"Heads are gonna roll!!"
let's mean it, like, literally. A bit brutal perhaps? Mebbe, but
considerin th scale of their brutalities on th population of th entire
country, mebbe not! Cuz when th price of Energy goes up, Everything
Do ya remember jus a few years back when th heads of all th major
tobacco companies, all swore under oath, one after another, that they
didn't believe that nicotine was harmful or addictive, cuz they didn't
believe that had been proven conclusively yet? haha Yeah right!
Well, we saw a similar farce played out after Katrina when these
mega-greedy asshole Oil CEO's told us, while nudgin each other in
th ribs and tryin mightily not ta bust out guffawin, and maintainin
a straight face, that th three dollar prices at th pumps were th result
of damaged refineries, lost and damaged oil rigs, etc, etc, blah,
blah, blah. Of course ya knew th fuckers were lying thru their teeth,
jus like their tobacco counterparts, but whut th hell could ya do
about it? Absolutely Nada!
Then prices dropped fer a bit, back down ta 2.50 a gallon WHOOPIE
and we thought that was great, but lately they've been inching back
up again, slowly, steadily, and now, as th Fourth of July weekend
approaches, jus co-incidentally of course, they're back where they
were after Katrina, and they're not even botherin to put on th usual
dog and pony show. Sheeit. Whut th hell!! They don't have th time
or inclination ta explain nothin ta nobody, cuz they're too busy drivin
their bulldozers thru th mountains of money they're gougin out of
each and every one of us, jus like Uncle Scrooge used ta do in th
Donald Duck comics.
Isn't CAPITALISM great!!!!!!
I can't take it no more!!
Date: Tuesday, June 27, 2006 9:15 PM
Y'know, jus last week, I wrote (once again) about
my most hated of cliches. Ya know th one I told ya about. (again)
It's so odious, I can't even bring myself ta write it. That fuckin
Date: Monday, June 26, 2006 3:44 PM
Did'ja happen ta see th article in today's paper where
Ford Motor Company's, "Buy American", ad campaign is a bit
misleading cuz a research firm found that fully 35 % of Ford's Mustang
came from abroad, while Toyota's Sierra mini-van was 90 % American.
Latest News in th Utterly Insane "War on Drugs"
Date: Monday, June 26, 2006 3:31 PM
I read in th paper last week where, in spite of all our efforts to th contrary, coca production in Columbia is up 8% over last year. We have wasted over four BILLION dollars in th last six years on this Coca Plant Eradication Project in Columbia. And th net result is, drum roll please; coca production is up 8 %!! Ha ha.
I mean, rilly! Is that not insane? This is jus another example of
th Futility and utter Waste of th Anti-Drug programs we so enthusiastically
Th wars Society fights against drugs, prostitution, gambling, etc.have
been goin on since recorded history, and yet they're still with us.
There has never been, nor will there ever be, a Society where these
things won't flourish, and to criminalise them in an effort to eliminate
them is utterly Stupid, not to mention, Impossible.
"Gee, ya know whut guys, we don't seem ta be makin any progress here?
Whadda ya say we jus ferget th whole thing, eh!"
Sheeit. Hey, I got a good idea fer a War. Why don't we declare a
War on War? Yeah! Make it illegal to wage War. Wouldn't that be nice?!
A planet where no wars are bein fought by anyone? "Peace on Earth!"
Surfin' bird - The
Date: Saturday, June 24, 2006 3:44 PM
Ya know somthin? Lyrics of songs today are jus so
lame compared to th song writers of years past. This is a good example
of what I'm talking about.Ya jus don't hear lyrics of this caliber
TH GREAT DEPRESSION COMES TO AN END!
Date: Saturday, June 24, 2006 2:52 PM
A pall of Gloom that has been lying heavily over
th MidWest fer th past couple of weeks dissipated this afternoon,
as tho a magic wand had swept it away. I'm tellin ya boyz and gurlz,
that St Anthony; he'sa quite a guy! Man, did he take care of me today!
But anyway, ya may recall, It was two weeks ago today when I first
noticed it missing. I searched high and low fer it before I finally
enlisted St. Anthony's help a few days later, and now, Voila! I'm
tellin ya; th guy is GOOD!
Time Travel Fantasy
Date: Thursday, June 22, 2006 5:29 PM
Did'ja ever fantasize about bein able to travel back
in Time and change somthin? I do! I am reminded of this fantasy several
times a week. Now, of course, I think every one wishes they could
do some things over again, handle some situation differently, but
I'm not talkin bout that kinda thing. I'm talkin bout changin history.
Responses to my question about Yancy's Sincerity
Date: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 11:05 PM
Mebbe ya remember a few days ago I put forth th question
about whether Yancy Walker was bein straight up with us, vis a vis
his views on cell phone usage while driving, or whether he was talkinoutta
th side of his mouth. Some peoples wrote back with their thoughts.
"He did identify himself as being from Grain Valley which is
like East Independence and you think he might have been speaking Tongue
in Cheek? Yeah he has his other Meth dealers to talk with." TD
(do I detect some anti-eastern bias here? ch)
"I think he's being straightforward. If he were trying to be
ironic, I think he would have signaled his intention somewhere. If
he's trying to be tongue-in-cheek, he's way too subtle." th Sally-Gurl
(sally! Always on point. always succinct. ch)
"I think Mr. Walker is being serious. sad. I would also bet
that as soon as he gets in his car accident while on a call, he changes
his stand." linda (i would be glad to be th catalyst fer his
change of mind. ch)
"C'mon Charley, you had it right in the first place. The guy
is a fucking idiot." josh (watch yer language! this is a family
"I don't like your tone cap't. It's not like you to show doubt.
I don't want to hear this kind of weakness coming from you. It shakes
my foundations. LOL." A-Dawg (get a grip man!!!! ch)
"Cap't, I thought by now you of all people would know the difference
between stupidity and tongue-in-cheek since you are the Master at
it." Steve (yes grasshopper, you speak th Truth. ch)
"I think he's right. I think you're just jealous because you
don't know anyone to talk to while you're driving. In fact, no one
wants to talk to you anytime." carl (jus cus peoples hang up
on me don't necessarily mean they don't wanna talk to me. nyah, nyah,
"The truth? You can't handle the Truth!!!! Amy (th Truth shall
set you free! ch)
"I agree." john (since i asked a question, i'm not sure
what john means here? ch)
"What's going on? Normally it's you standing on your soapbox
telling us WHAT IT IS! Now you're asking our opinion! Have you stopped
taking your meds?" Carl (what soapbox? what meds? where? ch)
I liked this one best.
"Maybe cap't you should spend more time looking into Mr. Walker's
intentions and leave the good folks from Kansas alone. We do know
where you live you know!" Big D (oh yeah! bring it on clodhopper
By th way, th Star printed my response to Yancy in th letters
to th editor today. But no big deal, cuz, like, you already got it
from me Personally!!! So, ya know what that means; that means, YER
I've gone and done it again!!
Date: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 9:27 PM
Curses! Curses! Curses! Why does this shit happen
to Me all th time? Huh? I wanna know! I went to cash a check at th
bank earlier and needed my driver's license fer ID and searched thru
my wallet and discovered I didn't have it. It wasn't in my wallet
where it was supposed to be, It wasn't on th floor or under th seats
or anywhere in th car. When I got back to th crib, it wasn't any place
here either? In other words, I'VE LOST MY FUCKIN DRIVER'S LICENSE!!
I hesitate to even mention it to St. Anthony cuz he's still lookin
fer my earring, god knows where? (Ha ha a bit of humor there) I mean,
I know he has other clients too and I have no idea when a Being of
his Nature finally gets over loaded, over worked, stressed out to
th point, where he jus throws his hands up in disgusted frustration
"Enuff! Enuff already! Dammit, gimme some slack, eh! I'm workin
my ass off here. I can only do so much, y'know! Besides everyone else,
I got th cap't calling on me nite and day like clock work. 'Hey tony,
I lost this, hey Tony, can ya help me find this, hey Tony....' Sheeit,
I haven't had a day off in god only knows how long!" ("god
only knows how long?" Ha ha That Tony!! He's a card. Ha ha)
Mebbe if I jus sorta mentioned it in casual conversation, like,
"So, yo Tony, like, I was at th bank today and was gonna cash
a check, but I couldn't, cuz I seemed to have misplaced my ID, so
then I went to Osco's and, man, you'll never guess who I ran into......blah,
And mebbe th subtle mention of my lost driver's license won't seem like a direct request fer intervention, but, still, th fact will register. Th last thing I wanna do is compromise th cordial, friendly relationship I have with him as a result of my continual whining requests fer assistance, cuz altho he is
"he Champion of Lost Things", I also am,
"THE CHAMPION LOSER OF THINGS!"
There's simply no one else around who loses things on a regular,
continual, ongoin basis like I do. And believe me, I'm not braggin
when I say that either! I take no pride in this dubious claim. Sheeit,
I can't remember what Life was like when I wasn't thrashing wildly
about, from one room to another, on a daily basis, picking up this,
looking under that, goin thru these, searchin fer my glasses, rings,
phone, wallet, money, etc, etc,etc, on and on, ad nauseaum. It's disgustin!
Sheeit. I think I'll jus get drunk and stoned and ferget all about it! Jus push it all out th back door of my consciousness into th back yard of my mind and let it jus sit there, til I feel like dealin with it.
Yeah, thas th ticket!
Small bit of Trivia
Date: Wednesday, June 21, 2006 6:22 AM
Amerika is Number One! Did you know that th United
States spends more money on Defense, (a whopping 455 BILLION dollars)
than all other countries in th world combined!!
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